Diamond Paws

Things I must remember...

1) I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

2) "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

3) The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.

4) I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

5) I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

6) I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

7) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

8) I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones so my people will think I am dying.

9) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, or poop

10) I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her ear.

11) I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.

12) I will not throw up in the car.

13) I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

14) When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur *before* entering the house.

16) I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

17) I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

18) The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

19) I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

20) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

21) My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

22) I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

23) The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

24) I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up

25) I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop

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