Diamond Paws

We can play games too...

1. After YOUR humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!!!!. Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it is before bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal! When they come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, your chin down and act as if you have done something REALLY REALLY bad. Then watch as YOUR humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (CAUTION: This only works when you have done absolutely NOTHING wrong!)

3. Let YOUR humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly.When humans try to demonstrate it to their human guests, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they are talking about. Attempting to bribe you with cookies is usually an added bonus.

4. Make humans be patient. Patience is a virtue. When you go outside to 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as YOUR humans WAIT, especially in the COLD, RAINY weather. Act as though the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the world.

5. Draw attention to YOUR humans. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go POOP! Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if YOUR humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking, coughing, tripping and whining everytime a strange human walks by. This will ensure you will get the FULL LEAD without the 'heeling' stuff.

7. Hide from YOUR humans. When humans come home don't greet them at the door. Instead, HIDE from them and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of YOUR humans is panic strickened and close to tears) This may sound a bit cruel, but its a GUARANTEED treat....they'll be so happy to see you.....they'll give you ANYTHING!!!!!

8. When YOUR humans call you to come inside, ALWAYS take your time, walk as SLOWLY as possible back to the door. We have a SPECIAL mission here to TEACH humans PATIENCE!!

9. Wake up twenty minutes early before the alarm clock is set to go off and make YOUR humans, take you out for your morning potty. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them NUTS!)

10. ALWAYS, remember the Limp, Limp, Whine, Whine, Whine routine. No matter what you have done (ate the roast, chewed the couch etc.) no matter how loud YOUR humans are yelling, when you do the Limp, Limp, Whine, Whine, routine you are OFF the hook. This along with BLINKING your BIG BROWN eyes in SUFFERING through LOVING ADORATION will GUARANTEE left overs from dinner and a COMFY place on YOUR humans bed at night.

11. Always cuddle and play with the cat in front of YOUR humans. Then at night when you're UNOBSERVED, do what all NORMAL dogs do. In the morning, YOUR humans will blame that DAMN DOG DOWN the STREET. Be especially careful to HIDE ALL fur balls you happen to cough up the next morning.

12. Finally and most importantly for all male dogs. When YOUR humans talk about neutering you, make sure you STARE POINTEDLY at YOUR male human's crotch and LICK your chops. In most cases this will ENSURE you remain intact..

author unknown

HOME to the beginning

* Site best viewed with Internet Explorer 5.x or better in 800x600 screen resolution with Javascript on *

Copyright © for Diamond Paws. All Rights Reserved. Nothing on this website may be copied or reproduced without the written permission of Diamond Paws. This also includes our images/videos on Sony's Imagestation.com & Kodak's ofoto.com websites